My life, my prayers, my purpose - it all starts with love – not me loving God or me loving others, but “beholding God, beholding me and smiling,” as the Preparation Days encourage us in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. I prayed this one exercise everyday at the beginning of the 9-month program. It was on Day 57 that my prayer experience moved from my head to my heart! I moved from picturing God smiling on me to feeling God love me.
Yesterday during my prayers, I simply asked what God wanted to say to me and here’s what I received:
The more I accept how much God loves me, the more able I am to carry out what God wants to do through me. I am freer to listen to the inner voice. Since God loves me so much and fulfilling God’s call is my primary aim – my calling flows out of God’s love for me.
If I am trapped in self-hate and self-criticism, I cannot do what God wants me to do because I don’t feel worthy or deserving of such attention, such joy. Thinking I can do God’s will then feels ego-driven, and the negative voices say, “Who do you think you are? You’re not that great to be fulfilling God’s will.”
It turns out that my worthiness has nothing to do with what God can do through me because it’s rooted in who God is and not who I am. It turns out that no one is worthy to be an instrument of God – it’s pure gift, rooted in God’s self-giving love. It’s a fact, a reality, apart from my worthiness or my acceptance of it.
Since God’s love comes to me a priori, the primary purpose of prayer and meditation is to experience how much God loves me. From this vantage point, new vistas open up that are not limited by my narrow view of what I think I am supposed to accomplish in life. Such love leads me to new questions for my day:
- What in love does God want to do through me?
- Since God made me and loves me, what work, relationships and tasks flow from this?
- How does God want to show up in the world through me?
Each day is full of new possibilities!
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Addendum to Executive Summary for Living Waters Hope
Revs. Linda and Dan Anderson-Little
June 3, 2015
Bishop Roger Gustafson asked us to reflect on “how we experience hope in the closing of Living Waters”.
It’s a wonderful question. We both have remained hopeful about the future of the church, the need for continued mission and experimentation in our changing culture, as well as personal hope in the presence of God in our own lives. Below we highlight some concrete sources of hope:
Impact: We know that we have made an impact in some people’s lives; we have given skeptical and hurting people a new conversation, a new opportunity. We trust through the miracle of the Spirit, this will continue to ripple out.
Small Group: The impact we’ve made is most notable in the Small Group that met consistently from the very beginning of Living Waters. The depth of conversation and shared intimacy has far surpassed any experience either of us has had in our traditional church experience. We are heartened that at least 6 members of this group will continue to meet 3x/month with us as part of our personal outreach and spiritual practice which continues to be a source of great hope.
Support: We have been humbled by and so grateful for the support we have received from every corner of the church – both as we imagined Living Waters, carried it out and closed it. We have had wonderful conversations and engagement with the staff of our local and national judicatories, colleagues, our Steering Team and Intercessory Prayer Team, as well as those in “official” committees tasked with decisions to support us and offer oversight. Even as we struggled with Linda’s health challenges and the decision to close, we have been buoyed by the prayers and love of so many, which continues to give us hope.
Discernment: We both feel God’s continued presence and grace in our lives. We’re discerning what we gained from this experience and are still in process of listening to what God might be up to next for us. Dan is pursuing some possible Interim Pastor positions to provide income during this process. Linda is exploring what kinds of ministry and commitments will be compatible with health and well-being. We have also realized that we can “discern rightly and still decide incorrectly”. We rightly discerned the need for mission with the “Nones”, trying bold experiments in ministry, and that we both have gifts for mission development. However, Linda engaging in this kind of ministry, and perhaps trying to build ‘fast and big’ were not correct decisions. The gift of distinguishing between discernment and decision, gives us hope that God’s faithfulness is ever true, even in the midst of our limitations.
Funds: We’re grateful for the shared discernment of our judicatories, coach, Steering Team and Prayer Team that it was time to conclude the ministry before all the resources dwindled. We find hope that there is still $47,000 still available for new mission in the Presbytery of Giddings-Lovejoy and the Central States Synod.
Faith: Because this has been such a positive experience in so many ways, we are sad, disappointed and very sorry Living Waters did not work, but we have not been brutalized or torn up by it. We rest with conviction on the very core of our faith, which is that God raises new life from death and God always has the final answer. We trust in our resurrection hope that death is not final and that the Holy Spirit will always work new ways to bring grace and love to all of creation.
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Executive Summary of Learnings
from Living Waters New Mission Start
Dan and I started this new mission in hopes of building a new congregation, but my health problems - chronic and persistent migraines 3 months after starting, caused us to cease the ministry and close. Here we summarize what we have learned so others involved, interested or supporting new mission can benefit.
1. A Brief History of Living Waters
In early 2012 we heard God’s call to start a new ministry together that would reach out to people with whom established congregations rarely connected—the “spiritual but not religious.” After extensive reading and consultation with 21st Century Strategies, we formulated a plan to plant a new congregation in the south St. Louis County, the place we had called home for a decade. Throughout 2012, we shared our vision with members of the Presbytery of Giddings-Lovejoy (PCUSA) and the Central States Synod (ELCA). Each conversation clarified our vision and helped to move the idea to reality. We engaged in formal assessments for new church development pastors with both the PCUSA and the ELCA. Both denominations assessed us highly for this kind of work.
In May 2014 we formally launched Living Waters as a joint PCUSA-ELCA ministry. There were two significant parts of the early plan. First, we spent time in the community meeting people who lived and worked there and, when appropriate, invited them to events and gatherings where they could learn more about Living Waters and experience a new kind of Christian community. Second, we sought to hire two additional full-time employees to multiply the number of contacts that could be made and relationships that could be nurtured. We did not find these employees right away so our plan moved slower than anticipated, but the first three months were fruitful and exciting. The highlight of the first quarter was a free carnival we held on July 26. More than 100 people attended and we were beginning to get traction with our plans.
As work on Living Waters continued into August, Linda began to experience chronic migraines. At first, we imagined that the headaches were temporary, but by September it became clear that Linda’s health was having a major impact on the work of Living Waters. We started to adjust schedules and workloads to compensate for Linda’s health. While the adaptations made some difference, it also slowed down the momentum which was essential for the quick growth of Living Waters. Work continued through the fall, but Living Waters never regained the momentum it had achieved during the summer.
As Linda’s headaches continued in early 2015, it had become apparent that a major assessment of the project was in order. In mid-February we took a two-month unpaid leave to discern the best path forward. We realized that the ministry partnership that had given rise to the original vision and provided the early impetus for the project was essential to the plan as we had drawn it up. Not knowing when and if Linda would get relief from her headaches, and not wanting to waste remaining funds that could be used to further God’s Kingdom, we made the reluctant decision to recommend that Living Waters be closed.
While it was our deep desire that Living Waters become a vibrant, sustainable congregation, we do not believe that the closing of Living Waters represents a failure. Through hundreds of conversations in our community, we have learned how much people desire to be in authentic community and how hungry people are to experience God’s grace in their lives. What we have learned will not only shape our ministries in the years to come, but we hope and pray will have a real and lasting impact on the congregations in our Presbytery and Synod. We are grateful for the opportunity to try a bold initiative in new ministry and for the lives that Living Waters has touched. While Living Waters has officially closed we continue to meet with the core small group that has existed since the beginning and we continue to seek ways to share the love of Jesus Christ with those in South County who do not know that God is already in their midst.
2. Learnings about new ministry initiatives
Throughout our experience with Living Waters, we have learned many things that we hope can help any congregation or denomination that is seeking to start new ministries and to be an effective witness in the 21st century.
- Assemble a prayer team – prayer is the most important component of any new ministry—not only the prayers of the leaders, but the prayers of those praying for the leaders and the new ministry. Before we officially launched, we assembled a prayer team that committed to pray for us and Living Waters on a daily basis. We gave them monthly updates of what was happening and how their prayers were being answered. This team sustained us through our good and our difficult times. We can’t imagine doing what we did without them.
- Assess gifts and capacities – it is critical that people who take on new ministries have the necessary gifts and qualities for those ministries. We found both the Presbyterian and Lutheran assessments to be of great importance as they gave us confidence to do the work before us. Sadly, such assessments cannot predict physical health, but we feel strongly that the church must make use of the best tools available to assess individuals’ readiness and capacity for this kind of work.
- Build and maintain momentum – new ministries must always be on the move and always seeking growth. This means that analysis and meetings must be kept to a minimum and decision-making must be streamlined. While we had a Steering Team that supported Living Waters, we deeply appreciate that the day-to-day decisions were left to the leaders who were on the ground. When we were able to gain some momentum, the ministry did grow.
- “Try, learn, adapt” – what we know about effective ministry in the 21st century is that we don’t know much about it. There is no single blueprint or plan that will work everywhere. We must gather the best thinking we can, and then boldly experiment and try. When things work well, we can build on them. When they don’t, we need to learn and then adapt. New ministries do not have the luxury of tallying successes and failures, but we must all keep our eyes on the prize—making disciples of Jesus Christ.
- Get quality training – we are sorry to report that neither of our denominations provided high quality training for the work we were doing. We felt in particular that the Lutheran training (for a total of six days) was a waste of time and financial resources. The best training we received was from an independent, evangelical group called Church Multiplication Training Center. It will be important to help those engaged in new ministries to find training that can help them move ministries forward and not simply go out of denominational loyalty.
- Work with a professional coach – we couldn’t have done what we did without our coach. Coaching was an invaluable aid in implementing the approach of “try, learn adapt.” We strongly believe that every new ministry project must include resources for coaching.
- Exegete your community and build connections – we can’t effectively minister in a community if we don’t understand the community. While had lived in our community for over a decade by the time we launched Living Waters, we learned a tremendous amount about our community and its needs by meeting with community leaders (school superintendents, fire and police chiefs, community health leaders, business leaders). We also visited hundreds of businesses and organizations in our community and always introduced ourselves with a gift of hospitality (baked goods usually). This paved the way to great conversations and helped us identify potential members for Living Waters.
- Gain support and enthusiasm of your judicatory – one of the greatest blessings of starting Living Waters was the outstanding engagement and support we received from both the Presbytery and the Synod. We never once ran into a roadblock, but always found excitement and partnership. We wouldn’t have tried this new ministry without such enthusiasm from the two governing bodies and their leaders.
- Hire for evangelism not function – our plan called for hiring two additional staff members at the outset. While we were hiring people who had specific skills for once the church was up and running, we needed them to be making community connections with us early on. Both of the people we hired were more skilled and passionate about their ministry areas than about evangelism. In retrospect, we realize that we should have weighted the passion for forming relationships higher than we did.
- Use all available social media – there is no single way to communicate with people in the 21st Century. Anyone starting a new ministry must figure out what combination of Facebook, blogging, Twitter, Instagram, etc. works best in his or her setting. Email is a particularly ineffective way to communicate.
3. Learnings about the “spiritual but not religious” (SBNR)
- SBNR’s are not religious for a reason. Many people we met had been hurt emotionally and/or spiritually during their participation in a traditional congregation. Rigid pastors, strict dogma requiring absolute adherence, the church’s condemnation of certain groups of people (e.g. gay and lesbian persons, divorced persons), power struggles between leaders or between the pastor and congregation are some of the experiences people shared. Listening to these stories was an important part of the ministry with people we met; however this did not necessarily lead to participation in the events or small groups we offered. Others left the church because the ministry and worship were not relevant to their lives. This was especially true for young adults. One young adult who grew up in a liturgical denomination felt like he was never a part of it, offering this description of his experience, “I felt like I was in the middle of a play, but didn’t know the script.”
- SBNR’s are not “missing something”. For those of us ensconced in faith and religious life, it’s hard to imagine how people handle life crises, job loss, grief and the stresses of daily life without relying on the power of God. It seems natural and logical to us that those without this are missing something, have a hole in their lives, and are searching for some of what we have. We found this not be true for the most part, at least not explicitly. Life stages and events carry their own meaning and purpose and people don’t necessarily feel they are “missing something” if there’s no higher meaning. Doing the right thing is what you’re supposed to do, not a sign of following God’s will. For example, a young mom we know treats her step-daughter as she does her own child – I see God at work through her, but she’s doing this out of love and simply because it’s what is needed. SBNR’s do not need us to hit the nails of their life with our spiritual hammers/labels. Overlaying our religious language on their human experience serves to push them away because they resist the very box we so quickly want to put them in.
The issue is that everyone is different and each interaction is individual – there’s no formula that applies to everyone. One person we talk with may be looking for authentic community, the next person, a way to use their creative skills, the next, free activities for his kids, the next, a way to serve their community as a family, the next just wants to be left alone. Developing these relationships is not only time-consuming but requires honest, vulnerable relationships that cannot have an agenda (of participating in my church-thing) dangling in the background. Even when people have spiritual questions, thoughts and interests, the answers they seek do not lie in traditional church forms and experiences.
If people are looking for worship in a Christian community, there are plenty of traditional congregations and many more places with “contemporary” worship and a high quality band for them to seek out.
The SBNR people who came to our small group or events were in a narrow band of people looking for spiritual community, but not one that would tell them what to do or how to think. A small group worked for them because we started with their experience, their own life – a place where only they are the expert – and gently wrapped spirituality and the Biblical story around it.
- SBNR’s are interested but not necessarily available. We were surprised how often we would talk with people in the community, and they would say, “I was just thinking about finding a church,” “that sounds like the kind of church I’d like to be a part of,” or “I’m really glad you’re doing this”; but these conversations rarely materialized into a follow-up conversation much less participation in an event or a small group. In the midst of people’s busy lives, what we were offering (spiritual conversation, free food and drinks, drawings for prizes, free activities for kids) did not raise enough interest for them to overcome the barriers of participation: they had no personal connection either to us or someone already involved, they wouldn’t come alone, they didn’t have childcare, they are suspicious of organized religion. We had a greater response to our summer Carnival and to our Christmas celebration, especially among those with lower income. For middle class families, the caliber of activities we could provide on a limited budget did not reach a compelling level for people who were already involved in and paying for other activities.
- SBNR’s get to know Jesus through relationships with faith-filled people. While those of us in the church can encounter the transcendent presence of God in worship, music, the Sacraments, liturgy and so on, people with no church connection first connect with an individual, then with a community, and then with God. This was difficult at first because in building a new ministry, our job is to sell ourselves and relationship with us as the “product.” Once people make this personal connection, they are more likely to take the risk to come to an event or small group. Once they experience community, a more personal connection with God in Jesus takes place, and the opportunity for them to experience “God-sightings” in everyday life grows from there. We wanted to connect people to Jesus right away, because it felt wrong (egotistical, self-serving) to connect people to us instead of to God; this is something mainline Protestants have to get over in order to do outreach in this era! The way to God is through us and then through community.
Last year at a Women in Ministry retreat the leader asked us to spend about 12 minutes writing our response to this question, What is the image of God in your life at this time? What I wrote became the basis for a Statement of Faith for my church leader profile.
My image of God at this time in my life is a womb- a womb that holds the whole universe and all of its galaxies, a womb that holds heaven and earth, a womb that holds all of life and creation and cosmos within it. God holds me, surrounds me. Jesus lives in the womb of God with me; he holds me, and loves me more than I have ever known. The Spirit blankets me with energy, color, peace, joy. The Spirit loves me. All parts of God love and accept me, let me rest, be who I am and invite me into the future.
The womb of God carries all of evolution in its becoming, but doesn’t hold the judgments, mistakes of my past or humanity’s sin as its memory. God is liberation, releasing me from my burdens of self, ego, addiction, perfectionism judgment; God releases me to love others and serve others whom God holds, as all life is One. I am part of God’s evolution and evolving self. When I quiet my mind, I can hear God more clearly, feel more peaceful, and release anxiety.
I don’t need to carry the world, my worries, my family, or any burdens because God holds it all for me without my help. God doesn’t need my help in holding together the universe, its people, plans, needs, or burdens. I can be a vehicle of love and grace where God’s characteristics shine through me: womb-like love, acceptance, forgiveness, service to those in need, invitation into the future.
I’m letting go of a harsh god, like a critical parent living in my head criticizing every maneuver I make; my soul dies under this kind of god because I can never get it right, never be perfect. It’s a set up for failure because I can never do it well enough. I am not faithful, disciplined, of pure thought, or right action. I carry this perfectionist voice in my head as if it’s real. It’s a lie. How do I let this false god go? How do I release this god? How can I not give this god power over my life and my mind? I can’t, but the only real, Living, Loving, True God can release me through Jesus.
The One True God releases and loves me through the gifts of Godself in creation: living waters, grains and grapes, people and communities, all mediated through the Son and Spirit. God reaches me through the community of believers, the church of all times and places, with cleansing, nourishing, forgiving, uplifting, saving and sending grace. Through God’s gathered people, I am touched by healing, upheld in prayer, strengthened in witness and transformed by the Word of God to follow Jesus more closely. Together we share the message with everyone we possibly can, that violence and death have no power and no victory in this universe; rather, God’s creative essence, presence and life wraps around us in extravagant, lavish love and life forever.
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